Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Death.

It is quite a morbid thought, is it not? For most people, it is. For others, it may not be.

Death is such a sad thing. It is the end of a life cycle. The moment man must return to God to explain all that he had done with the time given to him. For those who are seriously ill, death seems to be the only option open to them to end all of their suffering and to lighten the burden their family have to bear. Release. After death, their family on earth will only have to see to the funeral arrangements and the move to their new "home" or apartment.

Tears, sadness and death. They go hand-in-hand, no?

I found myself thinking about it while reading FanFic Anime earlier on. *Laughs without any humour. How will my parents or any other people close to me feel if I die? Somehow, I am not willing to lose all those whom I know. Correction. I am not willing to leave all those whom I know. In truth, I am not prepared to meet Him. I have not done anything to earn myself a place by His side. Well, the only consolation I can give myself is that I had, so far, done nothing any horrendous and hell-damning. Thank God!

So, my other reasons for not wanting to leave early are because of my parents and to redeem my poor soul (Of course! What else were you expecting?!) by shaping and guiding young minds through Music.

You see, my parents are a "remarkable"pair. They have been married for 28 years. And through these 28 years, there have been more downs than ups. As a result, whatever love they had for each other was gone many years ago. (I have a nagging feeling that they did not even marry for love. But, who knows? It is between themselves and God.) So, what will happen to them if I die before they do? Will my brother willingly take care of them when they finally reach old age? Or will he just chuck them in St. Thresa's Home? *Laughs without any trace of humour. Of course he will not. Or will he? Only time will tell. Whatever it is, I have no idea how those two will tolerate each other. Actually, they did that. But it was for a short period of time only. So, what about a really long period of time? I shudder at the thought of it. They will, most likely, drive each other up the wall, "killing" each other in the process. May the Good Lord help them tolerate each other. Whenever I think or dreaming about dying before my parents do, or about them or my dog dying *touches wood, I find myself crying, even crying myself to sleep.

The next reason. I, if all things go well, will become a qualified teacher for the MOE. Thus, it is my duty to not only educate but also to guide and shape young minds for the future of this country, and for this world. I sound so selfish using this to redeem my un-holy soul. However, I am sure there must be a reason why I am going this way. I remember asking God what does He want me to do with my life. The more I ponder over my situation, the more I believe this is what He wants me to do. So, why bother wasting time and energy going against the will of God? Accept it with open arms. And that is what I am going to do.

I just thought of another reason while listening to Westlife's songs. What if I die and I have yet to meet him? Not God, but him. I do not know who will that 'him' be. I am just wondering...

Death is not only unavoidable, it is also unpredictable. Haha! What in the whole wide world am I saying? I am definitely stating the obvious. *Sigh... I am going to think more about Death and what I am going to do with my life so as to save my poor old soul.